Doing devotions together has brought interesting discussions for Bob and me. Probably none has taken place much more honestly than after today's reading which follows from Daily Marriage Builder's for Couples by Fred and Florence Littauer:Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it might minister grace unto the hearers. Epe. 4:29 KJV
In the last several days' teachings we have suggested that you ask yourselves, Am I a lifter or a leaner? Do I encourage creative conversation? Am I willing to evaluate myself and my family? Am I majoring in minors? All of these introspective questions together will change your outlook on life if you put them into practice. If you dare to dream that you will move on to a more exciting marriage than what you have right now, today's verse and its application can make all the difference.
It was years ago when I was called upon to give a spontaneous children's sermon. Praying quickly for an idea, I thought of the verse Ephesians 4:29, a verse we had taught our children to remind them to say kind words to each other at the dinner table. We had reduced the message down to three little words: "Is it edifying?" If a child insulted one of the others, we would ask, "Was that edifying?" The child would then have to take it back and apologize. The children were allowed to ask the same question of Fred and me if we spoke too harshly. I explained this system to the church children that day when I was called forward with no warning. I reviewed the verse with them. No bad words should come out of my mouth, only good words will lift up and not knock down, words that will do a favor, be like a gift to the hearer.
As we completed the lesson, a little girl stepped into he aisle and said, "What she means is our words should be like a silver box with a bow on top." The audience responded so well to her comment that I kept the thought and began to build a message from it.
First I asked myself how I had done in giving out silver boxes. Did my children look upon my words as gifts? Did they say to their friends, "Wait till you hear my mother. Every word she says is like a gift. At my house, it's Christmas every day?"
As I reviewed this idea in my mind, I remembered my son looking at me one day stating as only teenagers can do, "It amazes me that people pay money to hear you talk. That must be because they don't have to listen to you for nothing." Hardly a silver box! I tried to rationalize that he hadn't really meant that, but then I thought of some things I'd said to him....
One day he came home from a friend's house and reported, "Mrs. Johnson says I have a charming personality."
Obviously I should have said, "Mrs. Johnson's right." But considering he hardly talked at home, I snapped, "I'd sure like to see some of that charm around here."
As I look back on this incident, I realize Mrs. Johnson gave young Fred a Silver Box for his charm. He brought the gift home to his mother, and I tossed it away. He could go to Mrs. Johnson's every day of the week, and she could continue to give him Silver Boxes, but it wouldn't really matter if he knew that when he handed it to me I'd throw the gift away.
Before I could teach a lesson on Silver Boxes, I had to make sure I was giving them. The Lord kept disciplining me an saying "Florence, is that edifying?" As I prayerfully worked on changing my attitude, my son responded, and our relationship developed to the positive one we have today.
I look back on my childhood and realize my father was my most dependable encourager. He was always optimistic and told me daily that I could make it. In spite of our lack of money, he gave me hope that if I studied hard enough I could get a scholarship to college--and I did! During Christmas vacation my senior year my father showed me a box he had hidden behind our piano. The box was full of newspaper clippings written by my father and published in Boston papers. I had no idea he could write, and when I asked why he hadn't told me about those articles, he replied "Your mother told me because I didn't have much education I shouldn't try to write. It might not be good, she said, and we'd all be humiliated."
My father explained how he'd written secretly, sent the articles in, watched until they were published, and then cut them out and saved them in the box. "Today," he said, "I just felt like showing you this box. I won't be leaving you any money, but this box is for you."
The next day my parents went to Boston, and while he was there my father dropped dead of a sudden heart attack. It's true he left no money, but I have his box of clippings, his box of broken dreams, the evidence of what could have been if only someone had given him some encouraging words.
How about You?
Do you lift up your mate and give him or her Silver Boxes every day? Or are you negative, critical, and demeaning? So many marriages fail because spouses cut each other down instead of building each other up.
And while you're handing out Silver Boxes to each other--and we hope to your children as well--consider how you are doing with your own parents. No matter what their age, they long for praise and appreciation just like everyone else. They often feel useless and wonder if their grown children remember anything they did for them as they were growing up. Try saying, "I'll never forget how you sacrificed to help me get an education--or piano lessons--or my first car."
Talk openly today about how you are doing with each other, with your children, and with your parents. Be willing to accept what your mate says without becoming defensive or angry. If you react negatively, it shows you are not yet mature enough to take a deep look at yourself. Start today to give out Silver Boxes, gifts of encouraging words.
Suggested Prayer for Today
And while you're handing out Silver Boxes to each other--and we hope to your children as well--consider how you are doing with your own parents. No matter what their age, they long for praise and appreciation just like everyone else. They often feel useless and wonder if their grown children remember anything they did for them as they were growing up. Try saying, "I'll never forget how you sacrificed to help me get an education--or piano lessons--or my first car."
Talk openly today about how you are doing with each other, with your children, and with your parents. Be willing to accept what your mate says without becoming defensive or angry. If you react negatively, it shows you are not yet mature enough to take a deep look at yourself. Start today to give out Silver Boxes, gifts of encouraging words.
Suggested Prayer for Today
Dear Lord Jesus. You are a gift to us, and You provide us with enough love to give out over and over. We want to be encouragers. We want people to look forward to seeing us enter a room because they know we will lift them up and never knock them down. Dear Lord, help us to speak kindly to all and make each sentence one that edifies others. Help us to be role models for our children so they will see you, Jesus, in us. May our words be gifts from here on. In the precious Name of Jesus we pray. Amen.
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